Graduation 2010

    I wrote this several years ago.  Our oldest has now successfully graduated from college and we have 2 others who have graduated and a 4th graduating in 2015.  Some feelings never change others you never revisit again.

Our oldest graduated from High school the beginning of June and there are no words to prepare you for this event. Things occur before graduation that make your toes curl and hair fall out. During graduation it is wedding like in the fact that you hardly remember the event itself. After graduation there is the flurry of activities, picture taking, people greeting, and then the party. It all begins the beginning of your child's senior year...With the Senior pictures. I know what we did in my hometown for senior pictures and it involved a very expensive photographer and lots of pictures that I look at now and wonder what I was thinking!! Here it was a whole different situation...A photographer came to the school took the tux/formal drape picture then several other poses of your choice around the school or outside. You had the option of purchasing or not-you can pay a ton of money and go to a photographer or your choice. When we got our sons proofs in the mail I was amazed at how good they were for how simple the setting. We ordered from the school photographer and paid less than my mom did 23 years ago! We went with 2 poses and I was thrilled with the simplicity of the process!

After you complete the senior picture portion of the senior year your next step is College...making sure your senior has applied to colleges of choice and you wait...While you are waiting however you are made aware most of the year the correct or incorrect choices your child has made in scheduling classes these past 4 years of high school. You will finally start to hear from colleges around November if they applied for early admission or January for regular colleges. This comes as a great relief and at the expense of the realization that this is your child's last year under your roof full time.

That is another whole new experience also...at each event of your child's senior year your mantra will be, "this is sons last high school dance, this is sons last high school homecoming, his last football game..." I know, depressing, but you find yourself thinking it a lot! It's the slow letting go of that child-setting them free little by little. By the time you reach graduation it's amazing how prepared you have become for letting go. Now don't get me wrong..when I drop him at college I will surely cry like a baby but I am aware of this and will bring Kleenex!

The next huge event comes when they are measured for cap and gown. This entails more money, more pictures, and more letting go..

Being a military family and not living close to our extended family poses a whole set of problems that never occur to you. For example, the family coming from afar and staying at your house. You want them close yet it's hard to fit to many more into our 4 bedroom house since we already have 9 people and 2 dogs living here. We fit everyone comfortably, made it to graduation and the after party looking appropriate!

Lent and Forgiveness

    Lent and forgiveness are synonymous.  Jesus died for our sins so we'd be forgiven.  So during Lent should we not work on forgiving people and especially those who are hardest to forgive?    I have found forgiveness is the longest road to walk.  I always want to be forgiven for my own inadequacies and failures but, to forgive those who have hurt me is painful and unfathomable at times.  An example being hurts from my childhood.  Day to day I don't think of these but my life is shadow'd by the hardness my father displayed from his own painful past.  I'm not certain I'd ever considered forgiving him until recently.
    In Matthew 6:14-15 If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.
    In prayer I will ask for a forgiving heart to forgive my own Dad and to open my heart to the good that was in him.  In forgiving him and looking at the positive I hope this will reproduce forgiveness in my own home and life.

    Lord, today I ask you to please help me on the road to forgiving others for what I perceive as transgressions against me.  I pray for a forgiving heart in myself and my family today and always.  Help me to see the positive in people that may not have a shiny exterior.  Forgive me for my own inadequacies and lead me on the path to rightousness.
Amen

Mother Theresa gave Freely!

   How much is to much?   How much time and energy do you put into a giving of yourself?.  Do you run yourself ragged and give your family the leftovers?  What lines do you draw to make sure your life is balanced?  I find that I have no problem saying no and meaning it.  But sometimes I get myself in situations where I want to do for someone and then they take advantage(in my opinion).   Then I'm upset because they took advantage-But did they "take" advantage or did I give it away.  My self inflicted Catholic guilt kicks in and I feel guilty for being upset at the person and when I offer to help it should not come with strings attached.  I'm a dog chasing my tail.  How do I let go of the hurt of being taken advantage of and just give freely?  I'm not certain that there is a pat answer to such a complex feeling.
    I imagine Mother Theresa never felt frustrated giving 100% to the orphans and nuns.  Is this because she didn't have children and a husband she was taking time from?  This might be another reason I feel guilty...I give to others at whose expense?  Do I give 100% to my family?  Or do I, on a regular basis, give away my best self to others?
    In reading what I am writing I see the decisions I make directly effect my domino's(those who I directly impact and bring down with me when I fall).  How can I change my actions so I don't negatively impact those around me?  More importantly, what can I do or change in myself that when I do give my time and energy it's a positive impact on those around me?  I think I have a list to guide me and possibly change how I view the giving of myself.

1. does it take away from my domino's? 
2. Can my domino's be involved and make a difference?
3. do i love what I am doing, does it make a difference, it is important?  
4. can I fit it into my schedule without causing stress or conflict?
5. Am I the best version of myself when doing this?

How'd that Gratitude work out for you?

   Haha.   I'm not sure I made it past the first month of my Gratitude year.  Lets be honest....I get caught up in day to day tasks and schedules and gratitude focus took a back seat.  I am thankful every day, for what the good Lord has given me, but to put a focus on something singular in this house..it's not gonna happen.  
    I did start 2014 off with a memory jar.  I picked up a large jar at TJMaxx and set index cards by it.  We've added several so far but like anything lets see if we keep it up.   My ADD kicks in and I walk away and never look back from so many projects.  I need to focus on today and one thing at a time.  So today, just today, I'm writing in my blog.  Lets see if tomorrow I can add a little something something to it as well.

   I'm working on cleaning out the cesspool we call a refrigerator, washing bedding, and cleaning bathrooms.  Being a stay at home Mom has yet to be all I thought it would be.  The part I love is no schedule but it's also my down fall.  The dogs are happy to have me here and for today I'll appreciate that!
 Speaking of thankful-I am thankful for my baby boy...the one who dreams of being an actor and can rock that tutu and wig like no one else!